My Life is Awkward

My life is just so awkward. Awkwardness is just a talent that I can't get rid of. It follows me around like a lost 'lil puppy dog lookin' for a home or something. It especially rears it's ugly head (or cute, adorable face in the metaphor of the helpless hound) in my dating life...or lack there off....but I feel like it's a glass half full kind of day, so I'll go with "dating life" instead of the more realistic "lack thereof". ANYWAY, I scored THREE this weekend....dates that is. Actually, "scored" isn't really the right word either if I'm going to be completely honest. It's more like three boys actually had enough pity to attempt to find pleasure in my company all in the same weekend. That never happens. This is a KayEmKay first....and most definitely a last...so why not relish this in a blog, eh? Just kidding...but seriously....NEVER HAPPENS. I promise you that.

So, Friday night actually went without I hitch that I was aware of. This is surprising 'cause it was a true-blue-through-and-through blind date. Never had met the chap until he rang my doorbell. So...since it didn't really have a smidge of awkwardness, let's fast forward to Saturday night....

Saturday night. We're in his basement on a group date playin' Apples to Apples on the floor. All is going well so far. All of the sudden my bum is enveloped in this tingly, cold sensation. At first I think the good ol' rump has just fallen asleep, but I'm surprised 'cause it felt weird and came on so sudden. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Somehow someone had jostled the loose carpet and knocked over my glass full of ice cold water. It's all over the floor and soakin' my jeans. He doesn't bother much to get towel to sop up the water on the carpet since it's the unfinished basement. I'm too embarrassed to ask for something to wipe up my drippin' jeans that just happens to be soaked in the heiny region. Can I say there is nothing more uncomfortable in this world than soggy underwear. TMI? One word: deal :). A minute later we move to his leather (or maybe it was pleather? Or is that just a tacky and impractical material that was used for a popular style of girls pants flaunted in the '90s?) couch to watch a movie. I sit down. This is soon followed by the realization that I won't be able get up without shame and embarrassment. If I get up he's going to see water residue on the couch and think I peed my pants. If I get up and specifically tell him that I didn't pee my pants, he's going to think I'm covering for actually peeing my pants. It's a lose/lose situation. And even if somehow I manage to hide all this and get in the car for him to drive me home, he's going to think I peed my pants in his car when I get out to walk to my door. Folks, this is not good. AWKWARD....yes...very AWKWARD.

Fast forwarding to Sunday evening....So the date actually went well. So, I should have gone home then 'cause it's the "after date" that became the problem....or not really the problem 'cause it was fun...but more the catalyse that sparked an awkward moment. All the sudden (Let's call him Bob for sake of confidentiality) I loudly exclaimed, "BOB! HAVE YOU REALIZED WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE YET???!!!" Who says that to people?! Apparently, I do. Sigh. All his roommates suddenly stopped what they were doing and stared with jaws dropped and eyes wide. No one was breathing. Finally, Bob just started to laugh. Thank you Bob. Really, thank you. That was the kindest thing you could have done. But let me clarify, what I said (once again) was not what I meant. I said that exclamation with the intent of finding out if Bob was extremely passionate about a career path or not so that I could start to try to persuade him (in a semi-joking way) to take up my field of study ('cause I love it so much and want at least one convert before I graduate) if he wasn't madly passionate about some future job. However, obviously that is not how it came out in the end.....and I don't think anyone owns a shovel big enough to have dug me out of THAT hole.

Anyway, tomorrow the weekend begins. Even though I certainly won't have three dates to deal with, I'm mentally bracing myself for that wandering puppy.