Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I was on my way to the JFSB across from the JKB, not to be confused with the JSB where I take D & C, to meet by BFF. I was trying to convince her to change to MFHD instead of PDBIO, so she can graduate with her MRS degree instead of a PHD. But, she said she wants her PHD or maybe to become an M.D. to be a DR. Plus, if she really wanted to be an MRS, she would have gone to Rexburg at BYU-I-DO, where it's a "ring before spring or your money back."

"True that," I said, but to get through to her head, I mentioned UVSC, now UVU, or LDS BC in SLC, where unlike at BYU she would actually have time for a little R & R or TLC for her ward's hott EQP.

"True that," she said, but I stopped in my stead, 'cause I realized I had to cath the UTA because it was Monday, and gosh golly me.....it's almost FHE!

Upon arriving home, I wasn't alone. My roomie was eating ice cream while watching MTV, and I thought, "OMG!" I mean, WWJD? Something was wrong. That filthy media didn't belong. I told her, "Remember who you are! And CTR!" But, I found out she was grieving the DTR with the VL guy she had met at our ward's last Munch & Mingle were everyone's single, AKA "Meet and Greet" or "Linger Longer" or "Chat & Chew" or my personal favorite "Flirt & Feed" where a cute RM is all you need. Because, a boy ain't a man 'til he comes home from his mission. And, we don't like boys. We throw rocks at them. But, we like men. They give us rocks. Unless the dude just got home, then leave him alone, because everyone knows, as the saying goes, "Say no to pot. Say no to crack. Say no to the missionary who just got back."

Speaking of missionaries, at FHE where it was BYOS (which I forgot I confess) our Dad told us endless tales about his 2 years in Wales. He spoke like a Brit...and I wondered, "Was the accent legit?" He's been back for a year, was he being sincere?

After the stories were done, I left for a DI run. I found a Mo-Tab CD and a Princess Bride DVD. But before I was through, I ran into Sue who I met years ago at EFY who's now dating the guy that was an RA at DT (may it R.I.P.) who once tried to have a NICMO with me. It had all started, it's true, when he had asked me, "Is your name Virtue?" I had said no and asked why. He said, "Because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly" with a wink of his eye.

And that was my day. Let us give thanks and pray for the flippin' sweet Happy Valley way (of life)! :)

Acronym Glossory:

AKA: Also Known As
BFF: Best Friend Forever
BYOS: Bring Your Own Scriptures
BYU: Brigham Young University
CTR: Choose the Right
D & C: Doctrine & Covenants
DI: Deseret Industries
DT: Deseret Towers (the old dorms at BYU that were tragically torned down)
DTR: Define the Relationship
EFY: Especially for Youth
EQP: Elders Quorum President
FHE: Family Home Evening
JFSB: Joseph F. Smith Building at BYU
JKB: Jesse Knight Building at BYU
JSB: Joseph Smith Building
LDS BC: Latter-day Saint Business College
MFHD: Marriage, Family, and Home Development major at BYU
Mo-Tab: Mormon Tabernacle Choir
NICMO: Non-Commital Make Out
OMG: Oh My Goodness!
PDBIO: Physiology and Developmental Biology major at BYU
RA: Resident Assistand (the peer supervisor they have in BYU dorms)
R.I.P.: Rest in Peace
R & R: Rest & Relaxation
SLC: Salt Lake City
TLC: Tender Loving Care
UTA: Utah Transit Authority (the bus)
UVSC: Utah Valley State College
UVU: Utah Valley University (the other "university")
VL: Virgin Lips
WWJD?: What Would Jesus Do?